If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
