When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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