what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
