If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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