One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
