I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
