I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
