I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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