Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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