I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
