I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
