why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
