its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
