mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
