if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
