i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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