why didn't you poke me back
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize