Midget sex pt 2 tonight
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
