the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
