I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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