Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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