In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
