Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
