I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
