You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
