I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
