my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
