Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
