Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
