Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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