i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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