i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
