Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
