meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
