How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize