I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
