he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
