fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
