In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
