I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
