remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
