I'm laying in your front yard are you home
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize