Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
