Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
