This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
