sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
