Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
