I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
