Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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