my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
