i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
whose ass print is on the piano?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
