so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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