I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I need to align my fucking chakras
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
