there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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