and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
