I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize