I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
