I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Randomize
