We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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