she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize