...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
