I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
