drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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