he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
