Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
