That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
