why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
