She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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