I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So vagazzling was a success
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
