I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
