screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
