So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
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