Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
