so that wasnt chicken after all
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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