We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
