My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
