please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
