I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
tell me about the fingering
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