only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
